“I like sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?”

“I believe that there is one story in the world, and only one… Humans are caught—in their lives, in their thoughts, in their hungers and ambitions, in their avarice and cruelty, and in their kindness and generosity too—in a net of good and evil.. There is no other story. A man, after he has brushed off the dust and chips of his life, will have left only the hard, clean questions: Was it good or was it evil? Have I done well—or ill?”

this whole two blog thing

Is getting difficult. I need to choose between them. I guess I'll use the other one most things, and this just for short little things that I feel like saying to myself and to look at my old blogs. Hah. It took me too long to make this decision.

How do we get so close without us knowing?

I'd gladly lose my pride for you.

I'm

shivering. And sosososo tired. I couldn't start this essay if I wanted to.

stomach bleeding?

I wouldn't doubt it.

Faaack, just don't think about it.

"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives."

I'm

tumbling from now on, probs.

Jonny Craig.

Iloveyou.

What are you but a yellow, purple zebra? Contacts so I can see clearer.

I'm delirious, to say the least. yeahyeahyeahyeah. Love the weathah. So much to do. Okay.

Oh, and I want to learn how to make my tumblr private, but I don't have a clue. Eh. It's cold.

"Just hiding my pain. So what's your story?"

Counting down the moments until I can sleep.

I'm actually debating taking a nap right now, and then I'll be awake enough to do some homework. I can't even begin to think of ideas because well, I can barely even keep my eyes open. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I bet I'll be up all night.

I just

made a twitter and I'm not even sure why. I don't understand its purpose, but I made one anyway.

Here's to feeding into society Ashleigh.

I have math homework to do. And I have to choose a topic to write a poem on. Woohoo. Naht.

early mornings and coffee

yeahyeahyeah

nausea

has become my best friend. Well, at least it's someone.

best weather.

all rain. all day.

I've been on tumblr a lot lately. I think I like it better than this, but at the same time I should probably stick with this because I've been so habitual. Eh, I don't know.

Today I got my hair cut! It's been about about eight months. It feels weird to have it done after so long. The salon was ultra cute too. Then I went shopping, but I didn't really buy much. I have an Itunes card though, it's been forever since I've had one. Thanks Mom. I'm going Itunes crazy at the moment.

I should probably do some homework: psych project, essay, and spanish project. Eh. I'm tired; I've been up for a while.

Procrastination.

Beowulf.

Yeah. Hm.

Instead I'm listening to Manch Orch.

Why am I writing vertically?

Probably because I'm too lazy to write an actual paragraph.

Sleeeeeep, please.

"You're never visible on the weekdays."

If your stomach feels weak

then my work here is done.

fasting.

discontent amounts to anger.

bear with me

bear with me

bear with me

bear with me

bear with me

bear with me,

this is all I have left.

12 hours of sleep=

success.

haaaaaaut.

Have you heard? P. Dempz and I, we're probably getting married really soon. In my dreams that is, you know those things that apparently every person has every night; but for some reason mine are never present in my consciousness. I woke up today thinking about that. Shouldn't we always remember the dream that we had right before waking? I mean I may be naive to psychology but it'd make sense to remember something two seconds after it happens. I guess I'm just thinking about it too much.

It's a usual ramble-y Friday. OMG @ Grey's last night! Izzie is fired?! Really, ALL of the original characters are leaving and it just isn't the same! I don't really know what I'll do. No Addison. No Izzie. No Georgey. No Burke. No Denny. Please... those new Mercy West-ers better not be the central focus. I guess I'll just watch the show for that fellow above with the hair :D

I long to find a picture of him in argyle. Oh, that'd be too good to be true. I searched google and photobucket without any luck. That means I'll need to buy him a plethora of argyle after the wedding ;)

So yesterday I became obsessed with Manchester Orchestra. They're so good. And diverse. All of their songs are about something different, unlike lots of bands. Oh, and Brit's new song "3" is great. Brit, you're catchy. I could listen to it all day errrday. But I suppose that's what I do with every song until it's worn out.

It's evident that my moods come in cycles. When I'm tired and avoid heavy thought all I focus on is media, simple addictions, distractions. When I'm alert and well rested I'm critical and anxious about everything. When I'm overtired I'm confront and question every aspect that I would choose to ignore.

"No one wants to admit we're addicted to music. That's just not possible. No one's addicted to music and television and radio. We just need more of it, more channels, a larger screen, more volume. We can't bear to be without it, but no, nobody's addicted. We could turn it off anytime we wanted."

"You can watch your kids discover everything in the world you've tried to save them from. Drugs, divorce, conformity, disease. All the nice clean books, music, television. Distraction."

Damn Palahniuk, you're head on.

Hunger

gnaws deep within me, perpetually. I simply cannot suppress it, thus I'm forced to yield to it. It's a terrible thing not to have control of. I feel like I'm having some digestive issues lately, but they're likely to be all psychosomatic. Uh, you know... like most of the things in my life. Hah. I long to feel full. Or a least to have the ability to ignore my hunger.

My hunger, it's been evident for far too long now. I guess it's finally found a way to make an undeniable appearance.

Oh Ashleigh, you're falling back into that plan, that routine, that comfort that you swore not to turn to. Wake up to that reality before it's too late.

Why do we do what we do?

I suppose so we'll always have some inner comfort. It's just... too much, all at once.

Enough of these circles. Homework > contemplation > sleep.

from liquor cakes to lemon drops

My hands are ice. I'm subtly starving.

One hundred percent self-sufficiency? What a goal.

Paramount Persistence

Well, maybe not paramount. But it's persistence nonetheless.

Do we always start at the end?

It changes like the leaves change color; long awaited and subtle for a while, until one day you awake to a sea of yellows and oranges. Most of the time, sleep conceals it. Thoughts are raw and prominent in the midsts of darkness, but they're easily forgotten by the next day. I won't let that happen, I'll control my own life. I'll stop wishes for a change and start creating one. I will not be held back by the barriers of my routine, I will not fall into the comfort of what I know. Even if I have to read this back to myself countless times.

I spend so much time wondering about the future that I forget that I'm living today. I've let too much pass me by, that I'll never get back. It starts now. After all, one should hold the ability to change themselves consciously. Sure we all change, but usually it happens without a whole lot of effort. So here it goes, this is all I've got.

Nausea. Foggy eyes.

Please

just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Napping

just isn't cutting it for me today. Drained.

I'm weary, I'm not quite rested yet.

Too much chips and salsa.

Silence.

Time.

I need to get to sleep.

There are addictions to feed and there are mouths to pay

Hihihi. I'm sleeeepy, but I have to stay up and watch Grey's. Hopefully it doesn't disappoint. I wouldn't hold my breath though. I don't really know why I'm blogging right now, I can barely think of anything I have to say to myself. I guess it's just a Thursday thing. I have to remind myself of Grey's. ha. I'm freezing, as always.

Hello twin day :]

5:26pm.

same spot. Let's resort to the IPod.

Is it raining again?

Oh no, that was ten minutes ago. Hello sun. Make up your mind. So, why I am blogging at 4:44 pm? This is premium homework time. I don't know. I'm too preoccupied with listening to Britney Spears and talking about the weather.

Surprisingly though, I don't have an extremely large amount of homework tonight. Sure, I've become lazy when it comes to looking up words that I don't know when reading El Cid. I'm sure it will show on next week's quiz. I've done some psych, which is ultra interesting (minus remembering definitions). I still have some reading to do though.

I should really begin studying for the SAT considering that I'm taking it on Saturday and I've given it little to no thought since I've signed up. Which is the exact opposite of when I took it last year; I obsessed over studying for months. But eh, the stress will probably catch up last minute.

I'm probably going to repaint my nails now, because chipping sort of drives me insane. Why am I so unfocused today? I'm not at all within my usual routine. Ultimate Britney; Crazy. It does that to me.

Twin day tomorrow with Adeline!

dizziness. asphyxiation. shivers.

I'm craving a thunderstorm right about now, maybe that'll put me to sleep. Terrible mood, my apologies.

My tanlines are fading

soon they'll evaporate, like the remains of summer. My socks are wet, from stepping in puddles while getting the flag at work. I could be at a HC right now, but instead I'm sitting here waiting for George to come on. I even napped today in preparation for this, staying up all night then working tomorrow. So much for that. I feel bad that I couldn't go :/ Eh, hopefully they can come to ours.

it's summertime, break it down, heart attack

alll right. when do I stop caring? keep it up, keep it up.

give me release. sedation. ha.

Work

you make my decisions for me.

rainy days, wake up texts, The Winter of Our Discontent, and The Hills

I'm pretty sure that is what my day is consumed of. It's decent... but I don't know what to do tonight. I'm so indecisive that no matter what I choose I'll say that the other choice was better. I just know it's going to be awkward, queen of awkward situations right here. Personally, I'm just up for a venti latte and some shopping. I suppose that's always the case.

oh Grey's...

I'm ready for you.

I'm right here in front of you

and I can't stop sh-sh-shaking.

we can have some coffee, you can do my laundry

I just woke up from napping, and I'm craving coffee like crazy.

stressin'.

I've been working on applications lately, and I've been sleeping less and less. I have so many questions.

I suppose I should get going on some homework before work tonight. My playlist isn't working, hm.

tell them that it's only water

...so, I haven't had a chance to write in this lately. I've had a lot to do. And even now, I have five minutes before I leave for work. With that said, I 'll talk about Grey's while I can.

I. miss. Georgey. I love his dorkiness. All right, that's not a word. Good to know. Anyways, I'm hoping that this season is good. I wish that all of the season three characters were back. Best season ever.

If I could, I'd sleep right now. Going to bed past eleven just isn't doing it for me. In contrast, I've been exceptionally talkative today. It's weird, because you'd think it'd be the opposite.

All right, your five minutes is just about up. Adios.

Autumnal Equinox

It's a pleasure to watch you make your entrance. Could you stay a little longer this year; perhaps until Spring?

after you it's all the same, all the same

I'll take comfort, you'll take security

You talk about the world like it's someplace that you've been.

Tell me again, what do you do for yourself? Do you have the ability to create your own happiness? Lately, I've realized how much I fear being happy. Doing something for my own benefit. Saying everything that comes to mind without question. Why am I so afraid of negative repercussions when I suffer from them regardless of my actions? With that said, it certainly seems more reasonable to do as you please. It really should not take this much effort. I see those around me comfort themselves with aspirations, they develop a place inside themselves to care for themselves. I find myself waiting, distancing myself. I might as well give up a little comfort. There's nothing to lose. Do things. Reflect. Care a little less. Step back. Read this. Reread this. Believe this.

"No expections, no disappoints." That is what I base my life around. Don't build yourself up in fear of being knocked down. I'm so prepared for nothingness that my days are blended together. I say I want to change, but maybe, just maybe, I like this feeling.

People desperately want to change themselves but there will always be something deep beneath the surface that is unchangeable, despite all efforts. It's heavier than what you make visible, and deeper than you're willing to dig. It's like that innate sense that you've acquired that makes active reoccurences throughout your life.

Give a little. Give a lot. Give something. Just something truthful, something uncensored. It's nothing. It's like I'm striving to get past myself. Action without thought, it sounds too easy. It's like you're overanalyzing the obvious.

I almost feel like I'm addicted to sleeping because it's a way of mental escape into someplace unconcious. Sleeping 17 hours a day and you're still tired? Clearly you aren't suffering from lack of sleep. You're yawning. Even your body thinks that you want it, you're so convinced. You want more. More is always better, of everything, you tell yourself. I define myself through my addictions.

Here are the molecules of my breath, my thought, my lungs. On paper. Continue. It's a dare.

Remind me again of the opposite of moral backslide?

My depth perception..

is going crazy with these new glasses. I'm trying to wear them in a bit to give my eyes a break. It just feels odd. I constantly am trying to adjust the way that they sit on my face. OCD, please. After I got my glasses we went to Starbuck's. I've been craving a pumkin latte for a while. Fall/winter flavors are always my favorite. It makes me want to curl up in some warm blankets and watch a movie.

For Lit homework today we had to read a poem called "Revelation" by Robert Frost. And for some reason I feel like I can directly relate to it.. so much. Particularly within the last year or two. I'm so off in that class, but whatever, I love feeling a personal connection to something. It's like the one thing to hold onto.

I'm trying to decide whether or not I like this site or Tumblr more. I mean I made one a while ago and I haven't really used it. But I think I enjoy their format better, especially the way that you can input quotes. After all, you know how often I do that.

I took the plum right from the vine.

Indecisive.

All right, weird day. Filled with homework, nausea, sleeping, and long bathes. My moods changing at the speed of light, and I can't even fathom why. I'm trying to get some sleep when I can; this week is the first five day week of school. And I thought that I was stressing last week. Eh.

Yesterday I bought an ultra short dress at Forever 21. Good day.

Crazy.

Indulge Me.

Oh, Thursdays. Deja vu. If only Grey's was on, two more weeks. Note to self: email Mrs. K about it. I keep forgetting. It's a two hour season premiere! I'll certainly regret that in the morning, too bad Patrick's face is worth it.

Spanish homework. I still have more. I couldn't sleep now if I wanted. That and dinner. I'm not that hungry at the moment though. I went down to work to get my check, and ate some pumpkin ice cream with caramel. I'd been craving it all week. Bring on autumn.

tired eyes, mocs, coffee, boredom.

Thursday morning routine? Probably. After all, I thrive off of routine.

It's like a cycle.

"When it's time to reintroduce me to solid foods, their words again, it's pureed chicken and strained carrots. Baby foods. Everything mashed or pulverized or crushed. You are what you eat."

I. Am. Tired.

"All I want to do is watch George Lopez and sleep."

Um, that's the story of my life. Too bad I still have homework. Yawn. The sunset is nice, and it feels ultra weird being home right now. First day without working in so long. Good thing, because homework at 9:30 PM just wouldn't cut it.

Long days. The party has just begun.

My body is like "stop with the calzones!"

So every night that I've worked this weekend we've ordered from R&L (because they are the only place that delivers), and I've had WAY too much calzone. You see, the problem is I work with different people every night, so I'm the only one that eats it so much. And it's so good. But so bad. Yeah, one of those things. But right now I feel like I have a heart burn, although I haven't eaten in nearly three hours.

Oh and I'm working tomorrow, labor day. Ironic, eh?

I also might be buying some glasses, because my eyes are getting worn out from 24/7 contact use.

Perfect weather. I need coffee. Or soup. Another recently discovered band via Myspace: Gatsby's American Dream. Give "A Mind of Metal and Wheels" a listen. They're indie, and straight out of Seattle. How I long to go there.

"All Britney, all the time!"

Work dragged on tonight. The only thing that gets me through mopping is blasting Britney Spear remixes. It's probably quite comical to watch, but I don't even care. It feels nice to sit down right now. I'd go up to my room and get a start on my book, but I have to listen to a few more Dance Gavin Dance! songs to get me through the night. All right, 11:10 is my limit.

No "Labor de Lopez" tonight. I love Georgey.

Uneasy Hearts Weight the Most

is what I'm listening to on repeat. At least 100+ times since last night. dancegavindance! is up there with Circa Survive. I just cannot stop repeating it. Truthfully, it's probably the constancy that I enjoy the best. I like being able to memorize all my favorite lines, and then going back to them later. I myself am powerless.

Let's see, my weekend will consist of working every night, sleeping as much as humanly possible, and oh, some homework. I barely even slept that much last night and I didn't take any of my two dollar sleeping pills! First time all week. I'll have to tonight. Luckily I work till ten.

I'm so ready for fall. For foliage, warm sweaters, long walks to nowhere, and pumpkin flavored coffee. The only depressing about fall is that it's followed by winter. But after all who wants summer weather while we're in school? Not me.

So... obviously I haven't written in for months, which is no suprise. Anyway, when I was looking at some every posts I could almost envision the day that I'd written it. I thought it was nice to remember the day that I discovered a great song, or the day Kris won American Idol.

I'm contemplating what I should do today. Sleep? Read? Watch CSI? Take a walk? All of the above?

Some thing never change.

Very much aware

Of this magic, of this madness.

I haven't been on this site in some time... I knew that I'd never be able to stay constant.

right now I'm sososo tired. I woke up at like eight, instead of my usual eleven. Shopping today was great! :D But I realized that I have an addiction. It's been extremely cold and rainy lately, it's JULY! Please. Hopefully I'll be able to stay awake tonight to read. Yeahyeahyeah. Headache.

No more

holding back.

OH HEY,

Kris Allen won Idol :D And he totally 200% deserved it! Thanks America, for having taste. For once. I was screaming screaming screaming last night. Chyeah bby, MARRY ME!

So no Grey's tonight, Thursdays just aren't the same now!

I got my SAT results back today. Eh eh. Thinkin' about el futuro & listening to Childlike Wildlike. It's a pretty combo. I CAN'T WAIT FOR KRIS TO RELEASE HIS OWN ALBUM! I'm going to buy his AI album on Itunes soon. Oh, and then there's Danny Gokey. I'm still diggin' the whole Krokey idea.

I got like no sleep last night, and I woke up at 4:18 AM. Yet, I'm not tired.

perfection

Danny Gokey

I love you. KROKEY, forever.

So right now I'm desperately trying to stay up for Grey's Anatomy. Two hours, man. I love the rain so much. It's amazing how the weather affects my mood.

"I've lived in good climate, and it bores the hell out of me. I like weather rather than climate." -John Steinbeck

Oh, how I worry. The thoughts in my mind that are only too played out. Solitary confinement. So it goes.

I love

discoveries new amazing bands. I also love hearing the birds chirp at dusk.

I'm so tired and feverish, yet this numbness is comforting. Stay a little longer.

Guess what?

I like Kris Allen. Don't like him? Well, I'm still entitled to my opinion. Really. I can think of a few people that this applies to...

So has been mildly productive. Early release from school. I listened to Kris sing "Heartless" far too many times on repeat. Last night's performance was breathtaking to say the least. I wrote some of my american lit essay, but I feel like I'm doing it 100% wrong. Thanks Keebs.

There's this song called "Juturna" (I'd like to know what that means.. Greek mythology?) by Circa Survive and the beginning gets me everytime. It's such a long song though.

I finished The Sun Also Rises and it is definitely my top favorite, ever. The ending was perfect. Okay, all of it was perfect.

Oh. So basically all I ever talk about is music and books that I'm obsessed with. At least I can reflect upon it. What an idle existence this is.

I feel like I'm Jake Barnes in The Sun Also Rises. People, oh people. I'm in one of those easily annoyed moods again. And I'm making no progress in my annotating for an essay that is due Friday. Fantastic.

What an aficionado.

well you have suffered enough

and warred with yourself. It's time that you've won.

Thanks, Mom. I can't even say that without thinking about Inivisible Monsters. Anyway, I sincerely appreciate all that you do.

Today I bought Pride and Prejudice. Yes.

We we last through the winter?

So as of now, I'm going to try to write in this more often. I don't know how well it will actually work but it's nice to get things out. By tomorrow I'll probably forget all about it. Tonight I'm especially tired. I know, I say that everyday. But I do feel that everyday. Sometimes I wonder how psychosomatic it is.

Today I had flowers sent to my mother for mother's day. I know that I didn't have to since I already bought her something, but it made her feel good. Plus I felt good too. It's a unique arrangement of tulips. I'm trying to make her feel better. She means more to me than anyone, as corny as it sounds.

Right now I'm listening the song "Stop Me Now I'm Not Ready" by Eye Alaska, and I love it. It describes me in a way that I can't explain. I don't feel like it totally relates to me, but the melody is perfect. The emotion. I've come to the conclusion that I listen to songs on repeat constantly until I can't stand them. Bad habit.

On Writer's Cafe I've been writing more than usual and I'm not sure why. I write these paragraphs... I can't even call them stories because they lack plot. But they explain the way that I'm feeling when I'm writing them, and that's what I like about it. While I don't really get any comments because no one else gets what I'm talking about, it still helps.

Sometimes I miss having a best friend, as much I try not to. I miss having someone to confide in. To trust. But then again, I don't. Being along has brought about question and self reflection. Which is more than I could say previously. I don't mind.

It's 10:10PM and I can barely keep my eyes open. I smell like ice cream and George Lopez is on. This is good night.

Right now

I'm not sure how I'm feeling. On the way home from school the weather was insane. It started out a bit cloudy, then sunny, then it down poured. By the time I got off the bus it was bright and the sun was shining again. That sums up my emotions lately.

I just realized that I'm probably only writing in this blog right now because Writer's Cafe is down again. It does this quite frequently lately. I'm thinking that I need to find another site similiar to it so that I don't rant on here everytime it's down.

At the moment I'm listening to "Renegade" by Kris Allen and Danny Gokey. It's so addicting. I've probably been listening to it on repeat for a good hour now. They should create a band together, it'd be awing. KROKEY!

I'm so angry about the AP Lit meeting. It's disappointing, I can't stop thinking about it for some reason. I may be a bit pathetic, but that's okay. Really, who decides these things?

I'm tired,

of putting on this facade. I say I don't care only to convince myself, along with a few other things. Nevertheless, I can't stop trying to convince myself, because I cannot let myself let go. Give me release.

Mostly,

this blog is just me talking to myself. It's the closest thing to describing what's in my head. Schizophrenic, huh?

They say that time will make this all go away

But it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays.

Where would I be without acoustic music and CSI marathons? Probably not procrastinating.

CSI NY may just have the best music on it ever. Even surpassing that of Grey's. I'd buy the soundtrack.

Philosophy major?

That'd be nice.

"Gemstones are the hardest things on earth, but they still break. They can take constant stress and pressure, but a sudden, sharp impact can shatter them into dust."

Here's to...

Letting go, to epiphanies and self realization, to unreliablity, to being honest with yourself. To discoveries, yes, to the comfort of being alone and secure. To thinks you'd never say. To humanity.

What I've learned is that change is constant. Thus, the more things change, the more things stay the same. It comes with or without you pushing. But the more you crave it, the less you see of it. The best changes happen when don't expect them. Well, here's to long awaited change. I like to find importance in details. Changes of perception alters everything. It's like that one morning you wake up, and just begin to look at everything in a different way. Slowly, these changes affect every fiber of your being. It's impossible to expect such things to happen overnight. Actual change takes time.

My favorite kind of days are dark and rainy. Your first thought is probably "how depressing". To me however, it is the exact opposite. Waking up to that soft sound of rain against my window gives me happiness. It's thought provoking. Everything is calm. You go outside to an illuminated world of headlights and open signs, in contrast to the rayless sky. The world seems dull and vivid all at once, and all you want is to record these mental images. The problem with sun is it's too overbearing. It reflects off of all its surroundings, almost blinding.

Throughout my life I've gone through many phases. From Brittney Spears wannabe to ballerina, I've done it all. All of these things, as immature as they may be now, contribute to who I am. I've craved the acknowlegdement of others, tried to fit in, and been afraid of being alone. How absurd I once was. I see countless myspace profiles of my peers, who constantly speak of those that they 'need' in their lives, whether it be boyfriends or best friends. And at some point in my life, I most certainly felt that way. Now, I look at things in a different light. I may not have a boyfriend, or a friend that I spend all my time with, but I'm okay with all of that. I don't need it. Actually, I feel comfortable alone, and secure. Self sufficiency and independence shows me a whole new side of life that I've been missing. At one time or another we've all been trapped in these teenage cliches.

After all, how can it be healthy to depend solely on those around you? Especially confining yourself to one person. I'd rather not. People may come in and out of your life, but you may often look past the one person who has always been there. You.

Everyday, I walk through life with my routine. My days collide together. I like routines because they make me feel safe, but at the same time discoveries make life worth while. As much as I need consistency, we all need an occasional adventure. A balance is always nice. I'm still searching for this balance, without a rush, I know that I have plenty of time.

What I fear are words that lie unspoken. The things that should have been said but never were. Regrets. I'd rather live without holding back than completely conserved. I narrate things in the privacy of my mind, as strange as that may sound. I just don't want to pass up a chance of saying what needs to be said because I'm too consumed by my own thoughts. Everyone's in their own personal coma. And possibly, we don't want to wake up.

Hiding from reality only works for so long. We distance ourselves. We can create fantasties. We build up boundaries. But eventually the light of morning will come, as much as it stings those unwelcoming eyes. You know that feeling when you walk into a well lit room after being in the dark? Initially, you can't see at all. But if you never open your eyes they'll never be able to adapt. Darkness can't last forever. Within a few seconds, you regain your sight. Life is like that moment. That moment between the darkness and the light. You always open your eyes.

There are times when I think about meaningless drama, as much as I try to avoid it. I put on a front, and refuse to let it affect me. Mostly, I say I don't care only in attempt to convince myself. But when I step back and look at the big picture, it all comes into perspective. All the suffering in the world, beyond the borders of our country. True despair. In a matter of seconds, all of my "problems" seems to disappear. When I think of children in Africa starving or dying of infectious diseases it makes me wonder what role humanity plays in the world. How can we worry about politicals and materialism when so many people don't have the essentials? How can a human knowing hurt one of their own? Someone who is made up of all of the elements as you. Really, it's only our opinions that make us different, our thoughts. These things are variables; they differ from person to person. Are similarities however, are undeniable. "There isn't any real you in you, even your physical body, all your cells with be replaced within eight years."

It's moments when you find youself laughing until your in tears, or watching the sun rise over the foggy horizon that keeps me going. Good books, late nights, warm sweaters, corny jokes, and fall days. It's about the things that make you feel alive.