I'm right here in front of you

and I can't stop sh-sh-shaking.

we can have some coffee, you can do my laundry

I just woke up from napping, and I'm craving coffee like crazy.

stressin'.

I've been working on applications lately, and I've been sleeping less and less. I have so many questions.

I suppose I should get going on some homework before work tonight. My playlist isn't working, hm.

tell them that it's only water

...so, I haven't had a chance to write in this lately. I've had a lot to do. And even now, I have five minutes before I leave for work. With that said, I 'll talk about Grey's while I can.

I. miss. Georgey. I love his dorkiness. All right, that's not a word. Good to know. Anyways, I'm hoping that this season is good. I wish that all of the season three characters were back. Best season ever.

If I could, I'd sleep right now. Going to bed past eleven just isn't doing it for me. In contrast, I've been exceptionally talkative today. It's weird, because you'd think it'd be the opposite.

All right, your five minutes is just about up. Adios.

Autumnal Equinox

It's a pleasure to watch you make your entrance. Could you stay a little longer this year; perhaps until Spring?

after you it's all the same, all the same

I'll take comfort, you'll take security

You talk about the world like it's someplace that you've been.

Tell me again, what do you do for yourself? Do you have the ability to create your own happiness? Lately, I've realized how much I fear being happy. Doing something for my own benefit. Saying everything that comes to mind without question. Why am I so afraid of negative repercussions when I suffer from them regardless of my actions? With that said, it certainly seems more reasonable to do as you please. It really should not take this much effort. I see those around me comfort themselves with aspirations, they develop a place inside themselves to care for themselves. I find myself waiting, distancing myself. I might as well give up a little comfort. There's nothing to lose. Do things. Reflect. Care a little less. Step back. Read this. Reread this. Believe this.

"No expections, no disappoints." That is what I base my life around. Don't build yourself up in fear of being knocked down. I'm so prepared for nothingness that my days are blended together. I say I want to change, but maybe, just maybe, I like this feeling.

People desperately want to change themselves but there will always be something deep beneath the surface that is unchangeable, despite all efforts. It's heavier than what you make visible, and deeper than you're willing to dig. It's like that innate sense that you've acquired that makes active reoccurences throughout your life.

Give a little. Give a lot. Give something. Just something truthful, something uncensored. It's nothing. It's like I'm striving to get past myself. Action without thought, it sounds too easy. It's like you're overanalyzing the obvious.

I almost feel like I'm addicted to sleeping because it's a way of mental escape into someplace unconcious. Sleeping 17 hours a day and you're still tired? Clearly you aren't suffering from lack of sleep. You're yawning. Even your body thinks that you want it, you're so convinced. You want more. More is always better, of everything, you tell yourself. I define myself through my addictions.

Here are the molecules of my breath, my thought, my lungs. On paper. Continue. It's a dare.

Remind me again of the opposite of moral backslide?

My depth perception..

is going crazy with these new glasses. I'm trying to wear them in a bit to give my eyes a break. It just feels odd. I constantly am trying to adjust the way that they sit on my face. OCD, please. After I got my glasses we went to Starbuck's. I've been craving a pumkin latte for a while. Fall/winter flavors are always my favorite. It makes me want to curl up in some warm blankets and watch a movie.

For Lit homework today we had to read a poem called "Revelation" by Robert Frost. And for some reason I feel like I can directly relate to it.. so much. Particularly within the last year or two. I'm so off in that class, but whatever, I love feeling a personal connection to something. It's like the one thing to hold onto.

I'm trying to decide whether or not I like this site or Tumblr more. I mean I made one a while ago and I haven't really used it. But I think I enjoy their format better, especially the way that you can input quotes. After all, you know how often I do that.

I took the plum right from the vine.

Indecisive.

All right, weird day. Filled with homework, nausea, sleeping, and long bathes. My moods changing at the speed of light, and I can't even fathom why. I'm trying to get some sleep when I can; this week is the first five day week of school. And I thought that I was stressing last week. Eh.

Yesterday I bought an ultra short dress at Forever 21. Good day.

Crazy.

Indulge Me.

Oh, Thursdays. Deja vu. If only Grey's was on, two more weeks. Note to self: email Mrs. K about it. I keep forgetting. It's a two hour season premiere! I'll certainly regret that in the morning, too bad Patrick's face is worth it.

Spanish homework. I still have more. I couldn't sleep now if I wanted. That and dinner. I'm not that hungry at the moment though. I went down to work to get my check, and ate some pumpkin ice cream with caramel. I'd been craving it all week. Bring on autumn.

tired eyes, mocs, coffee, boredom.

Thursday morning routine? Probably. After all, I thrive off of routine.

It's like a cycle.

"When it's time to reintroduce me to solid foods, their words again, it's pureed chicken and strained carrots. Baby foods. Everything mashed or pulverized or crushed. You are what you eat."

I. Am. Tired.

"All I want to do is watch George Lopez and sleep."

Um, that's the story of my life. Too bad I still have homework. Yawn. The sunset is nice, and it feels ultra weird being home right now. First day without working in so long. Good thing, because homework at 9:30 PM just wouldn't cut it.

Long days. The party has just begun.

My body is like "stop with the calzones!"

So every night that I've worked this weekend we've ordered from R&L (because they are the only place that delivers), and I've had WAY too much calzone. You see, the problem is I work with different people every night, so I'm the only one that eats it so much. And it's so good. But so bad. Yeah, one of those things. But right now I feel like I have a heart burn, although I haven't eaten in nearly three hours.

Oh and I'm working tomorrow, labor day. Ironic, eh?

I also might be buying some glasses, because my eyes are getting worn out from 24/7 contact use.

Perfect weather. I need coffee. Or soup. Another recently discovered band via Myspace: Gatsby's American Dream. Give "A Mind of Metal and Wheels" a listen. They're indie, and straight out of Seattle. How I long to go there.

"All Britney, all the time!"

Work dragged on tonight. The only thing that gets me through mopping is blasting Britney Spear remixes. It's probably quite comical to watch, but I don't even care. It feels nice to sit down right now. I'd go up to my room and get a start on my book, but I have to listen to a few more Dance Gavin Dance! songs to get me through the night. All right, 11:10 is my limit.

No "Labor de Lopez" tonight. I love Georgey.

Uneasy Hearts Weight the Most

is what I'm listening to on repeat. At least 100+ times since last night. dancegavindance! is up there with Circa Survive. I just cannot stop repeating it. Truthfully, it's probably the constancy that I enjoy the best. I like being able to memorize all my favorite lines, and then going back to them later. I myself am powerless.

Let's see, my weekend will consist of working every night, sleeping as much as humanly possible, and oh, some homework. I barely even slept that much last night and I didn't take any of my two dollar sleeping pills! First time all week. I'll have to tonight. Luckily I work till ten.

I'm so ready for fall. For foliage, warm sweaters, long walks to nowhere, and pumpkin flavored coffee. The only depressing about fall is that it's followed by winter. But after all who wants summer weather while we're in school? Not me.

So... obviously I haven't written in for months, which is no suprise. Anyway, when I was looking at some every posts I could almost envision the day that I'd written it. I thought it was nice to remember the day that I discovered a great song, or the day Kris won American Idol.

I'm contemplating what I should do today. Sleep? Read? Watch CSI? Take a walk? All of the above?

Some thing never change.