Jonny Craig.

Iloveyou.

What are you but a yellow, purple zebra? Contacts so I can see clearer.

I'm delirious, to say the least. yeahyeahyeahyeah. Love the weathah. So much to do. Okay.

Oh, and I want to learn how to make my tumblr private, but I don't have a clue. Eh. It's cold.

"Just hiding my pain. So what's your story?"

Counting down the moments until I can sleep.

I'm actually debating taking a nap right now, and then I'll be awake enough to do some homework. I can't even begin to think of ideas because well, I can barely even keep my eyes open. Yeah, that's what I'll do. I bet I'll be up all night.

I just

made a twitter and I'm not even sure why. I don't understand its purpose, but I made one anyway.

Here's to feeding into society Ashleigh.

I have math homework to do. And I have to choose a topic to write a poem on. Woohoo. Naht.

early mornings and coffee

yeahyeahyeah

nausea

has become my best friend. Well, at least it's someone.

best weather.

all rain. all day.

I've been on tumblr a lot lately. I think I like it better than this, but at the same time I should probably stick with this because I've been so habitual. Eh, I don't know.

Today I got my hair cut! It's been about about eight months. It feels weird to have it done after so long. The salon was ultra cute too. Then I went shopping, but I didn't really buy much. I have an Itunes card though, it's been forever since I've had one. Thanks Mom. I'm going Itunes crazy at the moment.

I should probably do some homework: psych project, essay, and spanish project. Eh. I'm tired; I've been up for a while.

Procrastination.

Beowulf.

Yeah. Hm.

Instead I'm listening to Manch Orch.

Why am I writing vertically?

Probably because I'm too lazy to write an actual paragraph.

Sleeeeeep, please.

"You're never visible on the weekdays."

If your stomach feels weak

then my work here is done.

fasting.

discontent amounts to anger.

bear with me

bear with me

bear with me

bear with me

bear with me

bear with me,

this is all I have left.

12 hours of sleep=

success.

haaaaaaut.

Have you heard? P. Dempz and I, we're probably getting married really soon. In my dreams that is, you know those things that apparently every person has every night; but for some reason mine are never present in my consciousness. I woke up today thinking about that. Shouldn't we always remember the dream that we had right before waking? I mean I may be naive to psychology but it'd make sense to remember something two seconds after it happens. I guess I'm just thinking about it too much.

It's a usual ramble-y Friday. OMG @ Grey's last night! Izzie is fired?! Really, ALL of the original characters are leaving and it just isn't the same! I don't really know what I'll do. No Addison. No Izzie. No Georgey. No Burke. No Denny. Please... those new Mercy West-ers better not be the central focus. I guess I'll just watch the show for that fellow above with the hair :D

I long to find a picture of him in argyle. Oh, that'd be too good to be true. I searched google and photobucket without any luck. That means I'll need to buy him a plethora of argyle after the wedding ;)

So yesterday I became obsessed with Manchester Orchestra. They're so good. And diverse. All of their songs are about something different, unlike lots of bands. Oh, and Brit's new song "3" is great. Brit, you're catchy. I could listen to it all day errrday. But I suppose that's what I do with every song until it's worn out.

It's evident that my moods come in cycles. When I'm tired and avoid heavy thought all I focus on is media, simple addictions, distractions. When I'm alert and well rested I'm critical and anxious about everything. When I'm overtired I'm confront and question every aspect that I would choose to ignore.

"No one wants to admit we're addicted to music. That's just not possible. No one's addicted to music and television and radio. We just need more of it, more channels, a larger screen, more volume. We can't bear to be without it, but no, nobody's addicted. We could turn it off anytime we wanted."

"You can watch your kids discover everything in the world you've tried to save them from. Drugs, divorce, conformity, disease. All the nice clean books, music, television. Distraction."

Damn Palahniuk, you're head on.

Hunger

gnaws deep within me, perpetually. I simply cannot suppress it, thus I'm forced to yield to it. It's a terrible thing not to have control of. I feel like I'm having some digestive issues lately, but they're likely to be all psychosomatic. Uh, you know... like most of the things in my life. Hah. I long to feel full. Or a least to have the ability to ignore my hunger.

My hunger, it's been evident for far too long now. I guess it's finally found a way to make an undeniable appearance.

Oh Ashleigh, you're falling back into that plan, that routine, that comfort that you swore not to turn to. Wake up to that reality before it's too late.

Why do we do what we do?

I suppose so we'll always have some inner comfort. It's just... too much, all at once.

Enough of these circles. Homework > contemplation > sleep.

from liquor cakes to lemon drops

My hands are ice. I'm subtly starving.

One hundred percent self-sufficiency? What a goal.

Paramount Persistence

Well, maybe not paramount. But it's persistence nonetheless.

Do we always start at the end?

It changes like the leaves change color; long awaited and subtle for a while, until one day you awake to a sea of yellows and oranges. Most of the time, sleep conceals it. Thoughts are raw and prominent in the midsts of darkness, but they're easily forgotten by the next day. I won't let that happen, I'll control my own life. I'll stop wishes for a change and start creating one. I will not be held back by the barriers of my routine, I will not fall into the comfort of what I know. Even if I have to read this back to myself countless times.

I spend so much time wondering about the future that I forget that I'm living today. I've let too much pass me by, that I'll never get back. It starts now. After all, one should hold the ability to change themselves consciously. Sure we all change, but usually it happens without a whole lot of effort. So here it goes, this is all I've got.

Nausea. Foggy eyes.

Please

just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Please just admit it.

Napping

just isn't cutting it for me today. Drained.

I'm weary, I'm not quite rested yet.

Too much chips and salsa.

Silence.

Time.

I need to get to sleep.

There are addictions to feed and there are mouths to pay

Hihihi. I'm sleeeepy, but I have to stay up and watch Grey's. Hopefully it doesn't disappoint. I wouldn't hold my breath though. I don't really know why I'm blogging right now, I can barely think of anything I have to say to myself. I guess it's just a Thursday thing. I have to remind myself of Grey's. ha. I'm freezing, as always.

Hello twin day :]

5:26pm.

same spot. Let's resort to the IPod.

Is it raining again?

Oh no, that was ten minutes ago. Hello sun. Make up your mind. So, why I am blogging at 4:44 pm? This is premium homework time. I don't know. I'm too preoccupied with listening to Britney Spears and talking about the weather.

Surprisingly though, I don't have an extremely large amount of homework tonight. Sure, I've become lazy when it comes to looking up words that I don't know when reading El Cid. I'm sure it will show on next week's quiz. I've done some psych, which is ultra interesting (minus remembering definitions). I still have some reading to do though.

I should really begin studying for the SAT considering that I'm taking it on Saturday and I've given it little to no thought since I've signed up. Which is the exact opposite of when I took it last year; I obsessed over studying for months. But eh, the stress will probably catch up last minute.

I'm probably going to repaint my nails now, because chipping sort of drives me insane. Why am I so unfocused today? I'm not at all within my usual routine. Ultimate Britney; Crazy. It does that to me.

Twin day tomorrow with Adeline!

dizziness. asphyxiation. shivers.

I'm craving a thunderstorm right about now, maybe that'll put me to sleep. Terrible mood, my apologies.

My tanlines are fading

soon they'll evaporate, like the remains of summer. My socks are wet, from stepping in puddles while getting the flag at work. I could be at a HC right now, but instead I'm sitting here waiting for George to come on. I even napped today in preparation for this, staying up all night then working tomorrow. So much for that. I feel bad that I couldn't go :/ Eh, hopefully they can come to ours.

it's summertime, break it down, heart attack

alll right. when do I stop caring? keep it up, keep it up.

give me release. sedation. ha.

Work

you make my decisions for me.

rainy days, wake up texts, The Winter of Our Discontent, and The Hills

I'm pretty sure that is what my day is consumed of. It's decent... but I don't know what to do tonight. I'm so indecisive that no matter what I choose I'll say that the other choice was better. I just know it's going to be awkward, queen of awkward situations right here. Personally, I'm just up for a venti latte and some shopping. I suppose that's always the case.

oh Grey's...

I'm ready for you.